once wending around a corner in the fog i blinked and fell down the chute of every tomorrow i'd ever imagined, down a rabbit hole.suddenly the dead sea i swam through daily began to stink and rot inside me, fear entered and grew in every cell of my body, spreading like wildfire permeating shafts of light, metastatic. it bounded through me like a sudden apocalyptic rain and thundered maddeningly in my ears, my hair electric.a pulse beat in my head day and night drumming defeat and futility in a syncopated rhythm through my blood. i felt dead. my heart choked.the landscape sagged under the weight of all this worry. unable to stand, bowled over by the great inertia, the vapid ideas and meaning and nothing and the unceasing nauseating movement of everything around me, deafened by the screeching wheels of trains careening wildly into subterranean stations and the pungent odor of exhaustion and urine settling into my nostrils, a symphony of friction and filth, the relentless howling of the wheels bowled over by the constant buzz and whir of chatter, by the go-nowhere conversations and the endless go-nowhere days.spinning into a dizzy place where the puzzle doesn't match and garbage flies through the gray sky like scary plastic birds laughing the pounding of the frantic herd scrambling across concrete and bodies a dull roaring asleep in my ears bristling and sparking just beneath my skin.searching led me nowhere, i swung into a dark and disastrous place where everything looked hideous in the light. trapped on a splintering ladder, trying to forget all my questions and the scabs and open wounds festering everywhere around me. dreaming frantic paranoid dreams of bleeding, eating flesh and salt and falling, falling through time to arrive at the end of my life, waking up panicked, terrified, swallowed up by fear and the pathetic rush of greed and ghosts running here and there talking of money and disease, nothing i understand
i only have these hands, a cracked clay pot and a love of wood and light. plants and purple smog stroke each other at dawn in the chilliest corner of my bedroom and i smile. the green stem of my body angles upward like a root sprouting into the day, squinting into the din nothingness scattering seeds to the wind come what may airing out the empty places and breathing light
